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Trailer Talk:  Friendship One

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[Ever conscious of form over function, the Voyager PTB give us next week’s episode.]

(Voyager ZOOMS at us at warp speed, Tuvok stands (?) in space behind Kim, the camera sweeps away from Tuvok past Kim then the Doctor, “5” shoots at us and explodes into “New Episodes”, camera lingers on Seven (natch) then speeds up past Chakotay and Paris (the little woman hides in the back), Group shot reveals a haggard and sad looking Janeway fronting her crew)

[Editor: Chuckie, where’s Neelix?]

[Me: Even better hidden than B’Elanna.]

[Editor: Hmmmm. That’s interesting.]

[Me: I agree.]

(Brassy Voice) THERE ARE ONLY FIVE NEW EPISODES LEFT BEFORE VOYAGER’S SEASON FINALE

(a missile silo opens and the tip of the bomb slides up into the dreary light of a bombed out world (no phallic comments – you’re on your own) that just totally doesn’t look pretty)

(Dangerous Whisper Voice) WHAT IF EARTH’S NUCLEAR WEAPONS WERE USED ON OTHER WORLDS?

(a clanky and totally not cute old-fashioned spaceship heads toward a beautiful Earth-like world, Chakotay and the ever-gorgeous Seven don deep space work suits to take readings in a dark and snowy place, lingering shot to show them kneeling on one of many missile silos on a world that looks even more dark and depressing in a long shot, the Doctor shows a patient with really yucky gray hair to interns Janeway and Chakotay in sickbay)

Doctor: They’re suffering from prolonged radiation exposure.

(Seven can hardly hold back her bile at how ugly this person is)

WHAT WILL THE SURVIVORS LOOK LIKE?

(in the dark and badly decorated underground of the destroyed planet Neelix and a few other sit around in deep space work suits with the helmet off for comfort – an alien begins to take off his helmet and the Ominous Music swells!)

(Paris without his helmet looks on in revulsion as he sees a NOT PRETTY WOMAN – AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! OH, THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!)

AN ALL NEW VOYAGER