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Trailer Talk:  Human Error

Yak!

comments? mlperkin@indiana.edu

or our message board

[I simply cannot do this "review" without a preface. Yes, I know this is Seven in a holodeck simulation. Yes, I know that exploring her sexuality is an important part of the "learning to become human" process that is her main reason for existence (like Spock and Data before her). Yes, I know that Beltran whined his hiney off last fall to get juicier roles and damned if it didn't work.

But this promo is just beyond my ability to process in a humorous way. I'm not sure I can even do it justice without getting nasty, so read at your own risk, because watching it at all simply shuts my brain down. It's an atrocity, a total and sneering slap in the face of all thinking Star Trek fans, not just us Special Fans.

So, I will make an effort to just describe it, and let y'all make what you will of it.]

(drums BANG away in a mood setting score)

SHE WAS ONCE BORG

(Seven In The Purple Catsuit draws a Heaving Bosom Breath, BorgSeven regenerates in an alcove, close shot of BorgSeven)

BorgSeven: Resistance is futile.

(BorgSeven in the drippy forest, BorgSeven looks up)

BUT NOW

(Seven In The Purple Catsuit draws a Heaving Bosom Breath, Doc speaks, civilian-dressed Chakotay comes into a suite bearing food and flowers)

Doctor: I take it our First Officer is your…romantic interest.

(Seven In The Red Dress checks herself out in a mirror then hair twirls toward the opening door, she reaches gently out to stroke civilian-dressed Chakotay's face)

SHE'S TAKING HER HUMANITY

(more stroking of Chakotay's face)

TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL

(the little woman (Seven In The Red Dress) fusses over the stove in the kitchen)

Seven In The Red Dress: Primary course...rack of lamb with wild rice.

(Chakotay fusses with something of his own and asks coyly)

Chakotay: No dessert?

(Seven In The Red Dress looks coyly up and answers)

Seven In The Red Dress: Dessert will be a surprise.

(Chakotay smirks in anticipation)

Chakotay: I can't wait.

(Chakotay offers something of himself for Seven In The Red Dress to suck on)

NEXT WEDNESDAY

(Seven In The Red Dress considers the offered appendage then wraps her lips around it and sucks off the liquid)

UPN PRESENTS...THE MOST PROVOCATIVE...VOYAGER...OF THE SEASON

(Chakotay grasps the corkscrew in a bottle in a shot not the least bit symbolic of a man removing the hymen of a virgin - yeah right.)

[I was going for not nasty, wasn't I? I'll try again.]

(Seven reaches out and covers Chakotay's hand with hers as he uncorks a wine bottle)

Seven In The Red Dress: Remain still.

(all music ceases as Seven slowly kisses Chakotay)